Think what? – 4 things you should stop thinking right now.

No matter how hard you try to deny it, your emotions are caused by your thoughts and not by external stimuli. Even though you may THINK you are a positive person, chances are, you probably have some old chatter going on in your head that contributes to whatever emotional frustrations you may be having. Here are 5 destructive thoughts that you should outlaw right now:

1. “I’m not good enough.”

This has to be one of the most unproductive things to think. The problem with this inner-dialog is that it sets you up for failure. Usually, it comes as a polarized, generalized statement – the all-encompassing umbrella that describes you as a person, including all of your inner qualities. Nothing could be farther from the truth. You may have some shortcomings in some areas. So … itemize them and get to work. The replacement for “I’m not good enough” is “I have some specific things I need to address.”

2. “I am TOO good enough!”

Don’t get this confused with the healthy, “Boy, am I grateful I was able to pull off that project.” I think there is room for an occasional expression of confidence in one’s abilities and talents. That’s healthy. The “I am TOO good enough” is different. It’s a vain countermeasure against the “I’m not good enough” thought. This is your insecurity fighting for its life. The problem with this thought is that it paints a picture of you. It reinforces the unrealistic and impossible expectations that you set up for yourself. It reinforces your constant need to prove yourself to other people. This is just noise. Turn it off. Replace “I am TOO good enough” with “I’m grateful things turned out well this time” and “I’m grateful for my gifts.”

3. “It’s not fair!”

Guess what? It never will be. Colleagues will disappoint. You will disappoint others at times. You are responsible for you and no one else. Stop trying to control other people, their behaviors, and the outcomes of every situation. The problem with “It’s not fair” is that it reinforces your unrealistic and impossible expectations that you set up for everyone else. It reinforces your need to control everything. Replace “It’s not fair” with “I would have preferred a different outcome, but it is what it is.”

4. “So-and-so is …”

… (incompetent/careless) You fill in the blank. Any time you put a label on someone else, you paint a picture of them in their imperfections. That is unfair to them. When you label someone, you assume that they are not self-aware and not trying to itemize their own areas for improvement. How do you know that they aren’t trying to improve? How do you know their intentions? The problem with “So-and-so is…” is that it justifies your own incompetency and carelessness toward that person. It’s the craziest thing about human psychology: somehow, we think that if we can put down another person, that excuses our own shortcomings. This is incredibly destructive behavior. Not only does it destroy the possibility of improving your professional relationship with the other person, but it creates a blind spot in your mind regarding the areas where you need to improve the most. Replace “So-and-so is…” with “So-and-so needs … (clear expectations, step-by-step instructions, advance notice)… from me.”

Let’s leave it at that for now. Those four items are pretty substantial and they require time, effort, and patience to implement.” Remember that knowledge is power. Awareness is power. Now that you know and are aware of these thoughts, watch and listen for them. When you pick up on them in your own inner-dialog, you have permission to not believe them, since not one of them is true. Good luck!